hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize