My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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