I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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