happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Are my feet made of real feet?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
