I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
