So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the condom got lost in my hair
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
