God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
