At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
