half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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