a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
