I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
