On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
