Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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