Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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