dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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