You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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