So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
