Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize