He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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