he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
