**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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