Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
