haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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