When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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