I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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