Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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