on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
