You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
