oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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