idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
