it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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