i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
