they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
