WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love you. Go after that dick
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
