it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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