weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
