i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
