Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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