this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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