one might say we're banned from that church
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
