dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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