dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
