i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
