What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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