Me. At least after what I've been through.
It's Friday. Sex?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
