My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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