I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
