apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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