you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize