I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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