I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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