fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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