she smelled like a LAN party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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