I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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