I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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