why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
