im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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