The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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