it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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