She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
