Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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