bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize